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« Jesus and His Easter Eggs | Main | Suicidal but not Insane »

The Return of Blair

I walked into work on Tuesday sane for the first time in a month. HR did not believe my mental stability had improved, but that the poor economy had redefined what sanity really was. HR now has an algorithm they use to determine an employee's mental state:

where p1 = (x1,y1),

    p2 = (x2, y2),

            x and y are both increasing from p1 to p2,

            Sanity = x2 - x1,

            Insanity = y2 - y1 and

            Sanity>= Insanity

Basically, you can't be insane because the poor economy is making everyone insane, so if you are insane, it's a clear indication that you're actually sane.

Blair immediately got back together with me. 

Now that everyone believes I'm sane except Maricruz, Blair is now convinced that Maricruz is insane

And if Maricruz is insane, everything she said about me having an affair with her had to be the false ramblings of a lunatic. 

So Blair is back and our relationship couldn't be stronger. Before noon she had already broken up with me and gotten back together with me twice. Everything was back to normal again.

That night I took her to see Watchmen and a lot of blue dick and balls. She was both repulsed and turned on. So I tried to get her to suck my dick in the theater. But too many people.

Early in our relationship we used to go to see crappy movies at this theater because nobody would be there and we could fuck in the back row. 

I'm afraid we've reached that comfortable, settled phase in our adulterous relationship. 

I did, however, bend her over the trunk of my car and fuck her in the parking lot after the movie. 

Settled or not, it ain't marriage.


Reader Comments (6)

mmmmm trunk sex.

April 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAsh

Ash: Next time, hood sex.

April 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

I finally saw Watchmen, not a bad flick. I'm sure Doc Manhattan's blue schlong was enough to send Blair over the edge...of your car trunk.

April 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShoe

Shoe: Yeah, she wants to paint mine blue. I'm not thrilled about blue balls. Where you been? Not on Twitter either?

April 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Blue balls are never fun, even when it's just paint. Altho, nobody's ever tried to paint mine, so...

I was on vacation with no internet access, so it went from a fantastic proposition to just some time off that was better than actually working for a living. But I am back, thanks for noticing.

April 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShoe

I expect a full report of said hood sex. It better happen on the hood of your car, in the "hood" while you're wearing a hoodie. Yes.

April 15, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAsh

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