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« Plotkin's Disease | Main | Jesus and His Easter Eggs »
Tuesday
Apr142009

Delusional

Now that Blair is back with me and doesn't hate me anymore, she can no longer pretend to like me.

While she hated me, she had to pretend to like me, otherwise people would think she and I were having an affair. 

She believes that people at work who seem to hate each other, used to be fucking but are now in the middle of a lovers quarrel. So whenever we break up and Blair hates me, she pretends to like me so that nobody will know we were fucking.

On the other hand, when we're together and she does like me, she has to pretend as though she doesn't like me otherwise people will also think we're fucking. So she ignores me completely. 

Blair's boss Kornfeld, the Director of Finance, is always uncomfortable during meetings with Blair and me when she likes me because Blair pretends I'm not in the room. 

As I've mentioned before, even when I ask Blair a finance question, she looks at Kornfeld when she answers. Kornfeld just stares at her not knowing what to say since he didn't ask the question, and in fact, already knows the answer to the question. 

When Blair has a question about one of my technology projects, she looks at Kornfeld again as if he'll provide the answer. This confuses Kornfeld greatly, but before he can say anything, I answer the question. Blair then thanks Kornfeld.

Kornfeld knows, of course, that we're fucking.  

Kornfeld feels much more comfortable in meetings with Blair and me when Blair hates me because that's when Blair pretends to like me. She actually looks at me, smiles at me, and interacts with me. 

In today's meeting, Kornfeld was extremely uncomfortable because things had been going so well for so long with Blair and me, only because things had been going so badly for so long with Blair and me.

Kornfeld finally said: 

"Until you two don't get along again, you can have these meetings without me." 

And then he left the room. 

Blair looked at me and asked: 

"You don't think he knows about us, do you?"

"No," I said. "If he thinks there's anything going on between us, it's only because he's delusional."

"Good," she said, relieved.

Blair left the meeting self-assured our secret was safe.

Yes, Kornfeld is the delusional one. 

..

Reader Comments (6)

You neglected the obligatory *eye roll* at the end of the last sentence, Mr. X. lol

Man, that Blair is a piece of work. What pleasure u derive from just trying to handle her until you get to the point of 'relations' is beyond my grasp. HR is wrong, you really are insane...and we all dig that about you.

April 15, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShoe

Shoe: HR can never be right. So if they think I'm sane, I have to agree with you... And I'm glad my "quirks" are appreciated.

April 15, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Kornfield is probably wondering which one of you is more insane. I take it back. I'm more sane than Blair, even on my crazy days.

April 15, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterdaNanner

Yes, Jx - very much appreciate the "quirks" gives me hope for LA

I love Blair and would take a bullet for her.

And Kornfeld? He probably wants your help -- mfm

DubblP*ntr*te

hopefully that will get past the censors.

thx for writing! - S

April 15, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSonja C

God, I really should write a character based on Blair. It'll be way too much fun.

April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLisa Troy

Excellent writing

April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterScott

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