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« Earth Day at the Office | Main | Delusional »
Friday
Apr172009

Plotkin's Disease

Since Plotkin is no longer in the wheelchair and he can't for the life of him catch a disease, let alone a common cold, he has resorted to extreme measures.

Plotkin is the most healthy person in the company although he pretends to be the unhealthiest. Kornfeld is the most unhealthy person in the company although he pretends to be the healthiest. 

The difference between the two is that Plotkin works in Accounting and Kornfeld works in Finance. 

Accounting:

  • Manages the numbers
  • Reports facts
  • Has no power because facts are facts
  • Realist/practical
  • Company perception: necessary evil
  • Nerdy (aka bean counters)
  • Friendly and accommodating

Finance:

  • Manipulates the numbers
  • Reports fantasies 
  • Has all the power because they make it up as they go
  • Visionary/delusional
  • Company perception: our last hope and savior
  • Up and coming stars (aka Hitler youth)
  • Difficult and general megalomaniacs

Plotkin hates his job and wants to die, which is why he's always trying to catch something so that he can be home or hospitalized. But since he's the most healthy in the company, he can never catch anything and so he must resort to imaginary illness.

Kornfeld loves his job and works until he's ill, but always denies he isn't well so that he can keep working. Since he is the most unhealthy in the company, he always catches everything and so he must resort to imaginary wellness.

Now that Plotkin is out of the wheelchair he has contracted a disease that doctors have never encountered before. Which is why they named it Plotkin's Disease. 

Plotkin's Disease only has one symptom: you are unable to see numbers in any form; you are number blind.

Plotkin can't see numbers on a computer, on a keyboard, on a piece of paper, or on a whiteboard. Letters he can see; numbers do not register. 

The head of Accounting has subconsciously figured out a way to eliminate counting numbers from his job responsibilities. He turned the main part of his job which he hates the most into a disease and then got doctors to name it after him. 

I thought I was good, but this is fucking impressive. Hats off, my friend.

Reader Comments (5)

Deepak Chopra should read this one! Nod of the hat to you my friend!

April 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSonja C

Hey Jason,

How did you get Tech Babe to pose for your User Pool banner? If it's not her, sure looks like her. Whoever it is, she has a great body. Either way, like the new banner.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMatt

PS: Just noticed the model has cameltoe also.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMatt

Now, that's a disease that can get you out of quite a few speeding tickets:

"Do you know how fast you were going?"
"Nah I got Plotkin's, Mr. Officer."
"Very well, carry on then, but try to feel like you're going a little slower, would you?"
"Will do." *tip of the cap while peeling out at excessive speed*

Like the new layout btw, Mr. X.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShoe

Sonja C: I think we need more diseases. Hats off to Plotkin.

Matt: No, not Tech Babe's body, but you're right, similar.

Shoe: Haha, good use of the disease. Maybe I can use it too for when I go over budget on a project.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

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