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« Suicidal but not Insane | Main | Lucretia »

Bite Me

Today started out like any other work day: I fucked a User in the garage before coming up to the office. 

From there, the morning was very productive. I had Lucia, Lucretia, and Ha-Neul the Cannibal talking dirty to me on IM. Late morning, Chelsea the Intern decided she wanted to show me her new undies, so she closed my office door and stripped down. 

Black and white polka dot panties and bra combo. It felt so retro and dirty, I had to fuck her on my desk right then and there.

Lunch time is when things started going a little south. 

The R & D department is located on the 20th floor. I'm on the 25th floor. According to Teri, my assistant, there was some kind of accident down there today that nobody would admit to, but that all assistants knew about. 

Then Maharajapuram came into my office and complained that Geraldine from R & D bit him in the elevator. I thought that was kind of kinky, but even more so since Geraldine is something like 60-years-old. 

But then a little while later Aho complained that Maharajapuram bit Mai Ding. I was very surprised because I didn't think Mai Ding even liked Maharajapuram. 

Not long after, Aho complained that Mai Ding was eating Chelsea the Intern. I thought that was really odd because, Chelsea the Prostitute only gave hand jobs and would never let the customer eat her out. 

By 1:00 I had to close my office door because of all the screaming. Sometimes my team just needs to fight it out. 

At about 1:15 Blair came into my office and told me the building was full of zombies. I agreed, because most people at my company are mindless idiots. It was past lunch time, so I told her I was starving. This, for some reason, freaked her out and she ran screaming from my office. 

Fiona the Cunt called me and said that Mulhausen was eating Fernandez. I said, Yeah, April Fools to you too. Then I told her to bite me.

Fiona the Cunt showed up at my office a few minutes later and tried to bite me. 

Gladstone showed up with an axe and chopped Fiona the Cunt's head off. I thought that was a little extreme, but since it was Fiona the Cunt, I didn't make issue of it. 

Then I realized that when Blair said "zombies" she really meant "flesh eating zombies". 

As we speak, Gladstone and I are barricaded in my office. Without any alcohol. What fucked up ending to a fucked up day. 

Who would have thought something like this could have happened on April 1st. 


Reader Comments (8)

Think of it this way; at least your April Fool's Day wasn't boring, and it'll probably be something you'll never forget :D

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterG

The title intrigued me, and the story was entertaining. There wasn't quite enough blood to satisfy my needs, yet I'll recommend it to my friends.

You are quite a horny bastard aren't you? You should visit me at Fangtasia some evening.


April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPamela Ravenscroft

well you forgot about me biting you. you didn't know i was a biter did you?
such a shame.

nice story there Jason.
i am in a biting mood.


April 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdarkgracie

That pickle bite earlier was NOTHING compared to this shit Jason! Nothing! Now I feel like biting into something. And I'm not thinking a pickle this time...or am I?

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

LOL! You have way too much energy! You need your own line of condoms! I swear you give new meaning to Nike's old "JUST DO IT"!

Very good and truly entertaining.

Bite you...hhhmmmm?

April 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPchats2008

* Nom ... Nom *

April 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFar

G: Not a bad work day actually. I got laid twice and Fiona the Cunt was decapitated.

Pam: Fangtasia, I'm there. Name the day (I mean night).

Darkgracie: I figured you for a biter. I imagine you offer all kinds of perverted goodness. Feel free to bite me anytime.

Techbabe: Once again, I'm scared. Not that it will stop me from biting my pickle...

Pchats: Yeah, I do need my own line of something. Working on it. I'm noticing a lot of biters are out there...

Far: Goes without saying...

April 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

I think you're now just under Tucker Max on my God list. Sex and zombies, genius!

April 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLynx

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