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« Suspicious Tits | Main | Plotkin's Disease »
Thursday
Apr232009

Earth Day at the Office

Yesterday was Earth Day, and to celebrate, Tefft hosted a lunch in which no vegetables or fruit were served. This was to make the point that it is not humane to eat our own planet. 

Tefft did, however, serve lots of meat. In her mind, eating meat is humane and also justifiable because animals are the worst offenders there are of eating the Earth. Especially cows, because they graze on the Earth all day long. 

There was a big banner in the conference room where the meal was served which read:

Don't kill our Earth by eating it; kill and eat the animals that do.

All of this was very disturbing for the vegetarians. 

Maharajapuram complained to Tefft, who immediately reprimanded him for being a vegetarian and contributing to the global warming problem. 

I asked Tefft if we were guilty of indirectly eating the Earth by eating the animals that were eating the Earth. This seemed to confuse her greatly, so she told everyone to stop eating the meat. She then dictated that the only thing anyone was allowed to eat the rest of the day was water. 

She felt water was plentiful on the Earth and therefore acceptable to be consumed on Earth Day. 

I reminded her that California has been in a drought for the last three years.

Everyone was then asked to fast for the rest of the day in honor of Earth Day. 

I, of course, took my team for a late lunch at a Mexican restaurant on the company tab and we drank margaritas in honor of Earth Day.

Later that night, I convinced Blair to celebrate Earth day with me by fucking in a tree.  

I don't know about you, but after having an official Earth Day, I feel as though I've experienced significant personal growth. Especially when I was in the tree. 

Reader Comments (19)

My prediction for fucking in a tree came true..huzzah! I need to make a lot more predictions... especially about fucking...and trees...

April 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFar

Hmph, all they did here was hand out canvas grocery bags, they should have given us fucking trees!

April 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShoe

I had math class in the dark, for Earth Day. The tree would have been a better tribute.

April 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermalackey

Far: You know me too well.

Shoe: Yes, trees are the answer.

Malackey: More trees, more sex, better planet.

April 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Damn...Wrong company, wrong country, wrong continent. I'm doomed.
You're having too much fun over there with all the insane people running loose. Bankers aren't any fun. It's not a myth.

April 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLisa Troy

What kind of tree is this? None of the trees around here seem sturdy enough, or have low enough branches to climb, so I'm envious.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSabina

The rabbit picture is on of the coolest I've seen.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPyerse

Lisa: Yeah, I spent a little time in banking. Not fun. Entertainment is the place to be.

Sabina: I don't really know what it is. This particular one splits low to the ground, works perfectly. I need to take a pic. But I'm always there after dark.

Pyerse: Yeah, I thought so too.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

We got stupid canvas bags and discount refull cups that they overcharged us for. Hooray!

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNick

Nick: Canvas bags are good for kidnapping and blanket parties. At least you'll be prepared.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

That's the problem man, we didn't even get those. Then I would been happy. They were smaller carry along bags to hold the styrophome lunch containers.

I do enjoy the irony of putting styrophome containers in a recycling happy bag, but it's still a bit of a buzzkill.

I guess I could use it to carry a ton of rubbers in, but that might look like I'm anticipating too much.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNick

Of course you didn't stay long. Bankers are like a tetanus shot. You need them but you don't want them.
And they wouldn't know sexy even if I dropped it on their head from the second floor. *wink*

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLisa Troy

Nick: I don't think condoms are biodegradable. You might have to stop having sex if you're going to protect the Earth.

Lisa: Maybe a credenza... I did find some girls in Compliance who were fun. And a couple, surprisingly, in HR.

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Guess that makes you a Tree-Fucker. Hahahaha! Does this tree make lemonade too like the tree next to the Villa Villa Coola?

April 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTech-Babe

It's a lie.

All girls hate sex.

All girls HATE sex.

April 25, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterboneless

Tech Babe: You know you're really an environmental fanatic when you move from tree hugger to tree fucker. Since I only fucked someone in the tree and not the tree itself, hopefully I don't qualify.

Boneless: You must be married.

April 25, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

LMAO I was gonna say...

April 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLisa Troy

Very entertaining. thanks

April 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRon Andrew O'Daniels

Damn this would of been the perfect time to implement the "Getting a vegetarian to eat meat" New Year's resolution. Times a-ticking Mr. X

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterM

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