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« Smithee in the Sky with Diamonds | Main | The Double Whammy »
Thursday
Jun042009

Pimps and Hos

After a few anonymous death threats this week, I received an email message today that revealed the identity of Tawny the Temp's pimp. Well, sort of.

I told Chelsea the Intern what happened when I went out with Tawny the Temp last week. She gave me that I told your ass so look, but didn't gloat about it because she was too infuriated for being right about that bitch. She wanted to take quick action against the temp to remedy the situation.

"I know a guy," she said.

"Okay, I don't want to know about a guy you know who could remedy the situation. Besides, there's another player who might know a guy too."

I told her about the anonymous pimp and the death threats because I didn't pay.

"You didn't pay?" she said. "You have to pay."

"Are you defending her?" 

"No, I'm defending the profession. There are ethics to consider, you know."

"Ethics with prostitution?" I asked.

"That's right."

"Well, she should have disclosed before we did it. Aren't there any ethics about that?"

"She didn't disclose?" she asked, again surprised. "Oh, then you're okay. You negotiate up front. If she didn't do that, you have a solid case."

Somehow, I didn't think this would be going to court. 

Chelsea the Intern did some recognizance, but didn't uncover much. She ran into Tawny the Temp several times during the week, gave her the death stare, but just got it right back. Enemies for life.

The best thing to do in a situation like this is to get the bitch fired. But until I unveil the anonymous pimp...

Late in the day today the pimp was revealed via email:

Jason:

I hate to be a hard ass about this, but business is business. You owe my girl $250 for the other night. If you don't pay, I'll deduct it from your paycheck.

Oh, and I'll also have to remove your left testicle.  

Cheers,

Smithee

Well, there you have it. Or not. 

This came from Smithee's email. Either I am insane and Smithee does exist or... I am insane and I'm sending messages to myself as Smithee.

I think I need to go into hiding.

Reader Comments (11)

You don't want them getting too familiar except in their shared misery under your auspices.

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEisberg Slim

Could it be that Nick Zima has returned?!?!

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMatt

I'm pretty sure that it wouldn't be difficult for someone with access to the email server to send the email from his address. So umm...who does that narrow it down to?

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGamerDarling

Now you go to that e-mail guy (I never remember his name) and scare the hell out of him, because he is the only other with access to Smithee's exchange account.

Or were you stupid enough to give "Simthee" Smithee's account pass?

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPaulo

I have a headache. Good luck...

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLisa Troy

Eisberg Slim: Exactly. Although I don't know what you mean.

Matt: Could be. Cuz he has access to that email. Fucker. We're supposed to be friends...

GamerDarling/Paulo: Kessler? No way...

Lisa: You'll still have sex though, right?

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

I have a theory... but I shall wait to see how this blows ...er, pans out ... before I divulge my thoughts. And no, I'm not talking about THOSE thoughts... oh wait, maybe I am... I'm so confused. I blame you Jason X...

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFar

I send emails to myself all the time. Doesn't everybody?

Maybe you just forgot. Or you were stuck in your Fight Club moment again battling with your alter ego. Either way, you got a good and crazy lay out of it. And sex is ALWAYS free of charge! (Unless you have a small penis.) PAY NOTHING!

June 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

LMAO I'd never use that excuse with you.

June 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLisa Troy

Far: We all already know about THOSE thoughts that you have. Nothing to divulge. Just saying.

Tech Babe: There is still that outstanding debt of my left testicle. I might just be crazy enough to collect.

Lisa: I didn't think so. Just checking...

June 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

I cant help but wonder whether your lying in a hospital recovering from having your left nut removed or possibly in a shallow grave somewhere for trying to fight your imaginary boss.

Or perhaps you're now on the run after have killed both pimp and ho... but I cant imagine that to be true as Im sure you could have pulled off some Jason X legendary diversionary tactic and blamed someone else.
I can just imagine the conversation would go something like this
Detective1: All the evidence points to Jason.
Detective2: Yea but its Jason Fucking X it cant be him.
Detective1: Good point lets go arrest Mulhausen.

June 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNik

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