Search
Latest Posts
Latest Comments
Subscribe

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

Twitter
Ads
askmen.com
Blog Roll
« Problem Resolution | Main | 24 (-16) »
Saturday
Jul112009

Jack X

Gladstone found himself in the backseat of his own car with a hood over his head so that he wouldn't know where Kessler and I were taking him. I made it a white hood, just to inject a little sardonic humor into the situation. He didn't find it funny.

When I pulled the hood off, he found himself tied to a chair in Chelsea the Intern's living room. 

"Okay, very funny guys," he said. "It's real amusing."

Chelsea the Intern brought out a bag, then started placing the items in the bag on the table next to him.

"You think this is amusing?" I asked. 

The items she placed on the table were: 

  • Curling Iron
  • Spatula
  • HD cable
  • Toothpick
  • Spoon
  • Purple dildo the size of my fist

Gladstone looked up at me, rolled his eyes.  

I hovered around Gladstone for a moment, just to make him sweat. He was calm though. Like he didn't fear pain or death. Or couldn't imagine what I was capable of.

"You know what we want," I said. "Make it easy on yourself... Or I use one of those on you." 

I indicated the table with all the items that Chelsea the Intern had carefully laid out. He chuckled.

"What are you going to do with a spoon?"

"Worry about the dildo." 

He swallowed hard. But maintained his ignorance.

"I don't know anything."

I grabbed him by his shirt and yelled: "Where is Smithee?!!!"

He looked me square in the eye and said: "In your head."

I instructed Kessler to administer the Chinese Water Torture. He walked over to Gladstone with a glass of water and drenched him with it. 

"I don't think that's how it works," I said.

Gladstone blurted out a few profanities; Kessler snickered. 

"Are you still fucking Fiona the Cunt?" I asked.

"No. I'm not fucking that bitch anymore."

"Cunt," Chelsea said, correcting him.

"Did you tell anyone about Smithee? About the password? Anything?"

"No," he confirmed. "I wouldn't tell anyone at work about that. Come on, you know me better than that."

And then it struck me. Gladstone is a smart guy, but sometimes he just doesn't connect all the dots. His brain tends to turn to mush when pussy is involved.

"Did you tell anyone who doesn't work at our company?"

"Huh?" he said, not fully understanding the relevance. That one little dot that didn't get connected.

"Did you tell anyone outside the company?" I repeated.

He had that dumb look on his face for a moment, but I clearly could see when he started to connect all the dots.

He looked up at me and said," Oh shit."

Kessler and Chelsea the Intern both threw up their arms and let them drop to their sides, knowing the light bulb which should have gone on a long time ago finally came on.

"Who?" I asked. "Give me the name."

"I started fucking her, and didn't tell you because you thought she was all psycho and shit."

I knew right then and there who it was. Well, you gotta love Gladstone's warped sense of logic. He didn't want to tell me that he was fucking one of my former Users because I thought she was a psycho, which she is. But he didn't want me to give him shit for fucking a psycho because he was going to fuck her regardless. After all, psycho pussy, sane pussy--it's all the same.

And after all this shit started going down with Smithee, he didn't stop to think that the psycho he was fucking, the psycho who had a clear motive for revenge against me, was possibly the person pretending to be Smithee. 

It was the User who went crazy on me.

It was the User I framed for terrorism, just to get her off my back.

It was Bonnie Bod...

Reader Comments (13)

Dun Duun Duuuunnnn

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNnamdi

See? This is JUST the sort of thing we were warned about when they started releasing prisoners from Gitmo!

So... Still got that purple dildo lying around somewhere?

July 12, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermsfitznham

Hahahaha. Nobody's gonna want that thing after Gladstone's used it.

July 12, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Fucking Gladstone!!!! (And yes, I'd immediately be worried about that dildo that's the size of a fist)

July 12, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

Damn, I never thought of Bonnie Bod!

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMatt

I'm say it like this Mr. X: with all due respect, you too fuckin nice. Normally, your game is trump tight. The only times your scene has been blown up is cuz of fuckin Gladstone. This is two times now, cuz he can't follow the rules and keeps puttin his dick in the wrong places. First time shame on him. Second time..shame...um...u shouldn't get fooled again. So...you gonna let him make it THREE?

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShoe

Shit, Shoes right. Gladstones the shit. But he's gotta know the rules.

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNnamdi

Why does "Jack X" sound like "jackass" when I say it in my head?

Is that a not-so-subliminal message about Gladstone and his fist sized dildo shenanigans...? And whose fist? Wait, I don't wanna know....

Or am I just reading your thoughts again...?

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFar

Thank you Nnamdi, it's rules to the shit! lol

If that was my folks, cut off after that first time, permanently.

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShoe

Looks to me like you're the one who got the fucking! ..... TWICE....don't let him fuck you a third time!

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjacopa

I should just take Gladstone off your hands.

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterdaNanner

Tech Babe, Shoe, Nnamdi, Jacopa: Yeah, I get it. But as much as Gladstone fucks up, he gets me laid (Gladstone). His actions aren't malicious, they're just dick driven. He just needs to be watched. That's why we all (Kessler, Chelsea the Intern, etc.) knew he was somehow responsible. I can't cut him loose, probably for the same reason I stick with Blair. Never a dull moment. I hate dull moments...

Matt: yeah, neither did I. I'm a little off my game in that respect...

Far: I think I'm the Jack X (ass) in this case...

daNanner: You should, damn it. Get to it!

July 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

*smacks forehead* Okay Mr. X...I promise I won't say it later, I'll just say it now and get it out of the way:

- You will rue the day.

- I knew it.

- I told you so.

I'm done...and I hope to be proven wrong. But I won't be. Good luck anyway, boss...

July 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShoe

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>