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« Kelsey | Main | Jack X »
Friday
Jul172009

Problem Resolution

Bonnie Bod has been locked up again.

It was really very simple to eliminate her as a problem. 

After having extracted a confession from Gladstone, Jack Bauer style, I called Pangbourn and told him that Bonnie Bod had tried to breech our network for the purposes of Terrorist activities again. I told him I had no hard evidence of this, but I did have strong suspicions.

That was good enough for him.

Pangbourn then called Homeland Security again and told them that Bonnie Bod had tried to breech our network for the purposes of Terrorist activities again. He told them that he had no hard evidence of this, but he did have strong suspicions.

That was good enough for them. 

Bonnie Bod has once again been taken into custody for covert terrorist activities. Unfortunately, they will not be able to take her to Guantanamo Bay this time. 

Gladstone has been put on probation. He is not allowed to fuck any User who has not been approved by The User Pool committee, which is chaired by me and includes Kessler, McKinney, Petrizzo, and Conklin.

We're also assigning at least one embarassing task daily to be completed by him as punishment. It's like he has to pledge back into the club.

Today's task: walk around the office with a paper toilet seat cover sticking out of the back of his pants. He had to pretend he didn't know it was there. That's been pretty entertaining today.  

Smithee is back to his normal, imaginary self. But based on the emails he's getting from Blair, it sounds like Bonnie Bod's version of Smithee charmed Blair extremely well, because she's now talking dirty to him. 

As long as Blair is talking dirty to Smithee, she will not talk dirty to me. Although technically, either way now, she's talking dirty to me. Which makes it odd that I'm jealous that she's talking dirty to Smithee. 

The only way to eliminate my jealousy and Blair's infatuation with my imaginary boss was to have Smithee piss her off again. 

Sometimes the best way to piss off Blair is to ignore her. On the other hand, sometimes the best way to seduce Blair is to ignore her. 

So ignoring Blair was out. 

Smithee has pissed Blair off before by making plans with her to have dinner then standing her up. Smithee can hardly be blamed for not showing up since he doesn't exist, but she doesn't know that so she, of course, immediately blames him. 

I decided this was the best approach. However, I also decided to spice it up a little. Smithee continued to talk dirty to her via email today, then told her they should meet at a motel. Smithee said he would pre-pay for a room, leave the key for her, and that she should bring something sexy, go up to the room and wait for him. 

I made it a cheap motel--you know, the kind that might make her feel like a hooker. The price for the room was worth it (only about $60). 

Blair will be getting to the motel around 8:00 p.m. tonight. She'll get all sexy and ready to go, and then she'll wait. And wait. And get more and more pissed off as the minutes and hours go by. 

It's not Smithee's fault. You can't blame a guy who doesn't exist. You can only blame yourself for something like this. And maybe me...

Reader Comments (7)

Jason X always manages to get you in the end...

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFar

Smithee's a real ass.. I doubt she'll ever forgive him.

July 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFishy5

Figures Kessler would pull the old toilet seat cover trick. (He got me yesterday.)

Good going JasonX! Taking applications for a position on the committee? I think I'd be a great asset.

July 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

Far: I do. Right in the end.

Fishy5: He gets what he deserves. I got a dirty text this morning. I guess I get what I deserve.

Tech Babe: We all love your asset.

July 18, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

I can't choose my favorite part of this!

Homeland security? The user pool committee? You being jealous of Smithee? The cheap motel?

Keep up the good work Jason!

July 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterZorro

Haha, I do what I can Z...

July 20, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

Probation, huh...90 days in the doghouse may help, then certain individuals might understand the importance of running a tight ship.

July 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShoe

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