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« Jack X | Main | Tree Sex in Miami »
Wednesday
Jul082009

24 (-16)

9:00 a.m. Dink-boom, dink-boom, dink-boom...

Gladstone is back from New Orleans. I need to find him. Question him. But this time, I'll have to do whatever it takes to get the answers. He's the only person who can lead me to Smithee.

10:08 a. m. Dink-boom, dink-boom, dink-boom...

Nobody knows where Gladstone is. Not even his boss, Tefft. She tries to sell me some of her daughter's Girl Scout cookies. It must be a diversion. I tell her the Girl Scouts are really a front for a left wing radical organization trying to brainwash Republicans with mind control drugs they bake into the cookies. I told her to Google it. That'll keep her busy for a while.

11:25 a.m. Dink-boom, dink-boom, dink-boom...

Gladstone still can't be found. He knows what's coming. He must have been on Twitter while in New Orleans.

On my way back to my office, Tawny the Temp skips by with a smile on her face. I go into my office and find something wrapped in a newspaper on my desk. (I wasn't aware newspapers still existed). I slowly unwrap the paper and find a cooked Halibut steak inside. Someone sending me a message. Apparently I won't be "swimming with the fishes" but rather "frying with the fishes". An anonymous death threat, most likely from Smithee. Either that, or my assistant Teri picked me up some lunch.

12:02 p.m. Dink-boom, dink-boom, dink-boom...

I stop by Blair's office to find out if she's still terrorizing Smithee for sexual harassment. But the answer is No. Somehow, Smithee charmed her into dropping the charges. No wonder Smithee's back on my case. I need answers, and I need them now.

12:12 p.m. Dink-boom, dink-boom, dink-boom...

I have sex with Blair in her car in the parking garage. Okay, I guess I needed sex. Now I need answers.

1:10 p.m. Dink-boom, dink-boom, dink-boom...

Kessler intercepts an email from Gladstone to Marci the Plush Coordinator asking her to pick up some lunch for him. She's one of his Users. He's staked out in the other building in the 10th floor conference room.

Kessler and I follow Marci the Plush Coordinator out of the building and to the deli where she buys a foot-long grinder with all the works. We corner her outside.

We have to convince her to work for us. Gladstone can't know we're on to him. But she's loyal to him because he's apparently got a big dick. So I tell her what kind of man he really is...

"Bi-sexual."

She's immediately on board. She's nervous though. She's got to pretend she doesn't know anything. And she's got to pretend to be happy to see him.

1:35 p.m. Dink-boom, dink-boom, dink-boom...

Marci the Plush Coordinator delivers the grinder. Kessler and I are just outside the door. We've got to catch him off-guard; when he's at his most vulnerable. While he's stuffing his face.

Everything is quiet. Too quiet. We storm the conference room. Shit... Forgot this conference room had another exit. He took Marci with him, probably knows we used her. I have a moment of guilt--that I used an innocent person for my own selfish purposes. But then I remember: I do that every day.

He'll disappear now for the rest of the day. But I have one chance to get him left. It's a long shot. Well, actually, it'll be quite easy.

4:58 p.m. Dink-boom, dink-boom, dink-boom...

Gladstone walks to his car. He looks around, makes sure the coast is clear. He gets in his car, starts the engine.

I pop up from the backseat, Gladstone screams like a girl.

5:00 p.m. Dink-boom, dink-boom, dink-boom...

Tomorrow's episode: Gladstone's Interrogation; Jack Bauer Style...

Reader Comments (11)

I had a "24-like" day myself. Should've inserted a mid-day sex session myself. Great "ti"p for next time Jason. (pun intended)

July 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

So THAT'S why Gladstone has been MIA for a while...

Well, good luck with your interrogation, and tell him I said hi!

July 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermsfitznham

Just read everything(post and comments) from mid/early 2007(Creation of Smithee) to now.

Methinks you need to turn this into a book :P

July 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTremas

Don't worry. Jack doesn't get his man in the beginning either.

July 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLisa Troy

It's time for answers, Mr. X. Get a ballpoint pen, a car battery, some sodium penetol(sp)...hell, just make him suffer, and then ask the questions. But remember, Jack Bauer has no scruples when it come to protecting the, um, 'cuntry'...and neither should you.

July 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShoe

Stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion.

July 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNnamdi

Your so funny man you crack me up.

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPeg

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. I think the torture went quite well, being my first time and all...

July 12, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

And I also aspire to it...

December 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNadogryazi

The blog without a surprise is inside uninteresting and where to search for him here?

December 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMebelniiBoss

To write there is nothing the most perfect way to fool itself)

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterЕammvis

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