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« Perception is Everything | Main | Kessler Got Penguined »
Thursday
Aug132009

The Energy Project

The Energy Project is being implemented across my company. The program is designed to renew and energize your body, emotions, mind, and spirit in order to maximize performance at work.

The two day session with Human Resources sucked the life out of me.

First off, I had to answer True or False to these questions to determine if "I'm headed for an energy crisis."

Body

I don’t regularly get at least seven to eight hours of sleep, and I often wake up feeling tired.

True. But I make up for it the next day with an overload of caffeine and energy drinks.

I frequently skip breakfast, or I settle for something that isn’t nutritious.

True. But sometimes the only time married women can hook up is right after their husbands leave for work in the morning. Married women are not nutritious, but they sure do taste good.

I don’t work out enough (meaning cardiovascular training at least three times a week and strength training at least once a week).

False. I work out plenty (please reference my sample Spread Sheet).

I don’t take regular breaks during the day to truly renew and recharge, or I often eat lunch at my desk, if I eat it at all.

True and False. I take plenty of breaks from work. I do not take plenty of breaks from Users. On the bright side, I do not eat at my desk. This is mainly because I have sex on my desk and eating there just wouldn't be sanitary.

Emotions

I frequently find myself feeling irritable, impatient, or anxious at work, especially when work is demanding.

False. Work is never demanding. I only feel this way if I don't get enough sex at work.

I don’t have enough time with my family and loved ones, and when I’m with them, I’m not always really with them.

False. I have too much time with family. When are we going to institute a 7 day work week?

I have too little time for the activities that I most deeply enjoy.

False. I fuck a lot (again, please reference the sample Spread Sheet).

I don’t stop frequently enough to express my appreciation to others or to savor my accomplishments and blessings.

True. Huh? I guess it's true since I don't know what the fuck this means.

Mind

I have difficulty focusing on one thing at a time, and I am easily distracted during the day, especially by e-mail.

True. I am constantly distracted by tail in the office. God, there's a lot of talent around here.

I spend much of my day reacting to immediate crises and demands rather than focusing on activities with longer-term value and high leverage.

True. But you never know when Blair is going to freak out about something; or Lucia is going to get religion and ban me from sodomizing her; or Minoo the HR Coordinator is going to have a panic attack because one of her Hello Kitty dolls is missing from her desk.

I don’t take enough time for reflection, strategizing, and creative thinking.

False. I am always strategizing on how to get and retain new pussy.

I work in the evenings or on weekends,and I almost never take an e-mail–free vacation.

True. Fucking is a full time job for me.

Spirit

I don’t spend enough time at work doing what I do best and enjoy most.

False. Again, I fuck a lot (and yet again, please reference the sample Spread Sheet).

There are significant gaps between what I say is most important to me in my life and how I actually allocate my time and energy.

False. (See above.)

My decisions at work are more often influenced by external demands than by a strong, clear sense of my own purpose.

False. Everything I do is motivated by personal gain.

I don’t invest enough time and energy in making a positive difference to others or to the world.

True. What the fuck? Was I supposed to?

Based on my score, I apparently have significant energy management deficits. I thought I was doing pretty good with time management using my Spread Sheet. However, it's not about time management, it's about energy management.

The rest of the course bored the fuck out of me. Mainly, because I wasn't fucking, which is really the only thing that holds my interest.

However, apparently I need a break from fucking. To renew and energize so that I can improve my fucking performance. So I need to take breaks from fucking to fuck better. I suppose I could use the extra time to do some work at the office. But that just doesn't sound appealing.

Maybe I just need a little more time in the Test Lab.

Regardless, these will only be short breaks. Enough to revitalize. After all, the fucking at work still needs to get done. I just need to fuck smarter. 

Reader Comments (3)

recreational reading in the form of the Karma Sutra ... just sayin...

August 13, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdananner

daNanner: Or just performing all the positions... Very recreational.

August 13, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

I feel for you bro. That test was dizzying.

August 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSkunk

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