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« Coitus Interrupt Us | Main | Perception is Everything »
Thursday
Aug272009

FML

As it turns out, Kelsey is a very honest and loyal person. Which is why she told her fiancé that I'm 
trying to fuck her. 

This was her opening statement at the bar after we got our first drink.

Naturally, my first reaction was fear for my life as I quickly scanned the room for an angry fiancé waiting with a couple of his boys for the right moment to escort me from the premises in order to beat the living shit out of me. 

But the bar was clear. I looked back and asked her, Why did you tell him that, why did you still agree to have a drink with me, and more importantly, why did he allow it? 

"We're not married yet," she said.

"Then why the fuck did you tell him?" I asked.

"I can't lie to him," she said. "He's my fiancé."

I just stared at her for a moment. I ordered a shot for both of us.

"He's not pissed off about it?" I asked.

"No," she said. "He thinks it might be good for us."

I think we all know anything that sounds too good to be true--isn't.

So I knew immediately something was really fucked up here. I mean, sounds great, doesn't it? I just got the green light from a woman's fiancé to fuck her brains out. But that's not the whole story, is it...? 

She hesitated for a while, but I finally got the real deal out of her.

Her fiancé wants to have a threesome.

I understand a guy who tries talking his woman into a threesome with another woman. It's always a long shot, but you have to try it. Because that's what men want. That's what men dream about.

Here's my take on a guy who wants to have a threesome with another guy: he's gay.

Here's my take on a guy who wants to watch another guy fuck his wife to be: he's gay.

I didn't tell her my thoughts on the subject. I also didn't reject the offer...

I said: "That sounds interesting. And I'd definitely be down with it. However... Sex for the first time is awkward enough between just two people. If you and I aren't comfortable with each other first, I don't know if it'll even work with the three of us."

She thought about it for a moment and agreed. 

I said: "I think you and I should get together first, get comfortable with each other in a sexual situation, then the next time include your fiancé."

There will, of course, never be a next time. 

She thought it was a good idea, but had to run it past her fiancé. 

I'm still waiting to hear the final verdict on my sensible proposal. In the meantime, I'm sending her dirty text messages to motivate her to convince her man this is the most practical approach.

FML (Fuck More Lives)

Reader Comments (23)

I think Barney Stinson even said something to the effect of "never ride the devil's tricycle" Thats right, I just compared you to Barney Stinson.

August 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterandy065

No, you see, it isn't that the guy in question is gay at all. You see, I have had a 3some before. Me, my cousin, and some chick. It all comes down to sharing that experience with someone, and I don't mean in the emotional bonding we love each other so much kind of way. I mean in the, during the act high five we own this chick, after the act we can tell the same story at the same time kind of way. There is something about watching a chick get owned. Double Pen, Triple Pen, Quadruple Pen... There is something even more about being a part of the "owning". Now, certainly, you go ahead and move on to the 3some and he tries to blow you? Ok. He's gay... A tip, ask her if her man wants MMF or MFM? MMF is where a Male is the center of attention and MFM is where the Female is the center of attention.

August 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRickyBeats

Andy: I don't watch that show, but I suppose that's a compliment, right?

RickyBeats: To each his own. I have a long standing policy not to be in the same room at the same time with another guy who has a boner. I understand the "owning" theory, but it's in conflict with my other policy. Regardless, no MMF or MFM for me in this case anyway. Justing hitting and quitting.

August 27, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

Jason: What is the difference? You are always doing threesome.. Sex for breakfast, Treesex for lunch and Wild sex for dinner... Oh I forget nightcap...

August 27, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlenore

Lenore: The difference in this discussion is MFM or FMF. I'll take an FMF threesome together or spread over the course of a day. I'm not down with an MFM. I get the "owning" thing RickyBeats is talking about, but even this isn't that... It's the woman's fiancée. I think he's looking for something else...

August 27, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

I'd go with the gay thing. Is she really that hot? I'd probably stay away from the whole situation, but I could understand if she's really that hot. I could see the dude trying to hurt/kill you if you fuck her and leave, especially if she leaves him after.

August 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFishy5

Fishy5: Yes, she's fucking amazing. If he gives the green light, he can't be mad about it afterwards, right? What could possibly go wrong with this...?

August 27, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

Chicken.

August 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGstarene

After you fuck her alone once, you should convince her you need some FMF action to get used to the dynamic of three in a bed. Then after the FMF fun, just tell her you decided that sex is something that should only be shared between two people—that two times the fun is just too vulgar for you. If you're going to win, win big ;).

August 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBubbles von BonBon

Gstarene: Bawk bawk.

Bubbles von BonBon: Excellent idea. Remember though, she's loyal to hubby (in a twisted way) and will have to run that by him as well. Going to be a larger task to convince him of that one. But we'll see...

August 28, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

If the hubby-to-be OKs this, you better make sure you do the deed somewhere he can't turn up in the middle of looking to participate.

So you really think she's his beard? They usually aren't that hot.

August 28, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterchrisbaker3

Guys are voyeurs, plain and simple. Some guys get off on watching, and that also counts as a 3some ... or like live porn. Reminds me of swingers ... but I digress,

You may be able to get away with Bubble's idea, or turn it into a 4some .... maybe this guy is a swinger and trying to get Kelsey into it.

August 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShameless

It's a set up.

August 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

Chrisbaker3: Not a beard necessarily. It's just freaky. I just don't quite get it. But I will take advantage of it.

Shameless: All true. My main objective is just to fuck the living daylights out of her.

Tech Babe: I might think so if I were a paranoid person. Which I am. So I have definitely considered that too. Waiting for his response, then I'll take it cautiously from there...

August 28, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

I have no doubt that you will take advantage of this situation if you can... ;)

August 28, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterchrisbaker3

Oooohh... set up.... don't get your self cut up Dexter style this could totally be a new serial killer couple. Oh shit. You're dead now.

August 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRickyBeats

RB: Great. Thanks for feeding my paranoia....

August 28, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

Don't be a homophobic prude. Do it.

August 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSabina

I've been in the exact same situation before (except she was married). I was given the green light to fuck her with the intention that next time the husband would be involved. Of course, this never happened and he was a little pissed. But, he got over it. I've also had a situation similar to this with a lady I know, her (female) friend, and her boyfriend. He wanted a 4-some. I told his girlfriend that I wanted a fmf first before the 4-some. He agreed and the FMF was a great time. Of course, I never spoke to either her or her boyfriend again after that. Mission Accomplished!

If I can pull it off twice, surely the infamous Jason X can do it!

August 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMatt

There is only one thing better than sex with a woman, and that is sex with money. Lots and lots of money.

Thought that was weird and random? Then for the love of Jahweh don't go to our new blog http://twotrillionaires.blogspot.com/

August 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterA trillionaire

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