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« Jason Y | Main | Speaking from the Grave »
Monday
Jan182010

Res-Erection

On my first day back in the office alive again I wanted my entrance to be unspectacular. I wanted to walk in as if I had never been dead

I arrived a little early and caught the elevator alone. But before the doors could close, a hand popped through and opened them back up again. 

Plotkin from Accounting walked in, kept his eyes low as he always does and took his place on the other side of the elevator. Once the doors closed, I asked him how his long weekend was. He started to answer, but recognized my voice, looked up and then pressed his back hard up against the side of the elevator. 

We just stared at each other for a moment. Then finally: 

"You're dead," Plotkin said.

"Oh," I said. "I thought everyone was just ignoring me. Dead though, that makes sense. Well... Finally, someone who can see me."

Plotkin turned away and said: "I can't see you."

"Well, at least you can hear me."

I can't hear you either. 

Don't be afraid," I said. "It's a gift."

We arrived at his floor and he bolted off the elevator and galloped down the hallway. I love fucking with Plotkin.

Walking toward my office, I ran into Lucia, who was still wearing black, the good Catholic that she is. She had just placed flowers, a statuette of the Virgin Mary, and a pair of black panties in front of my office door. 

She stopped, stunned when she saw me.

"You're dead," she said.

"I keep hearing that," I said. 

She was convinced she was seeing a spirit. 

"See my hands and my feet, that it is I myself;" I said. "Handle me, and see; for a spirit has not flesh and bones as you see that I have."

She didn't recognize the Bible reference; she giggled.

"You said, handle me," she snorted. "It is you... Who else says that shit?"

Apparently just me and Jesus.

She gave me a big hug and told me she was relieved I wasn't dead, praised Jesus that I was okay and said that we had some sodomy to make up for.

I was really enjoying this and thinking I should die more often. I started estimating how many erections I'd have this first week back from all the wild dead/alive sex--and the number was staggering. It was going to be a great week. Well, it was going to be great until I arrived at my office.

I walked past my assistant Teri with no intention of stopping and explaining why I was not dead. She spit her coffee out and and came running after me. She's very resilient and immediately got over the dead/alive thing without needing an explanation and was on to the next dilemma. 

"I'm glad you're not dead," she blurted out. "But there's something you should know..."

I ignored her pleas to stop and discuss, and headed into my office. 

I was surprised to find man sitting at my desk. He looked familiar, although I'm sure I've never seen him before. It's just that he looked, well... Like me.

"Who are you?" I asked.

He looked up and smiled. "I'm Jason."

Uh... Huh? 

"I know, it's weird," he continued. "I was hired to replace another Jason who apparently died. You probably knew him."

Replaced? I'd only been dead for a week and they already replaced me? With another Jason?

"Excuse me," I said, irritated. "I'm Jason. This is my office."

He looked at me confused. "You're Jason?" he asked. "But... You're dead."

See how easily the fun can be stripped out of something so entertaining as death? I can't say I wasn't warned. My plans always seem so rock solid. That is, until they go completely awry.

"Wow..." He said. "What are they going to do with two Jasons?"

Not shit. 

Reader Comments (7)

Well damn! You didnt see that one coming Jason. What the hell are you going to do now that you have another Jason and possibly competition to deal with ??

January 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNik

And he has risen....

Plotkin is an idiot, I love how you fuck with him. Perhaps you should start leaving him some eerie voicemail messages as well.

We're going to have to do something about Bogus Jason. I shall call him Bogon. What a dork. Who has a name like Bogon...!

And I'm with Lucia, you can handle me anytime....

Welcome back Mr. X.

January 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFar

Two hot Jasons? Fuck the rain, I'm wet.

January 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

Nik: Not sure what I'm going to do yet. But I'll come up with something that will most likely backfire. Somehow I'll make it work for me though.

Far: Agreed. Plotkin is my favorite executive to fuck with. I will continue to torment him. This Jason wannabe... Nothing I can't deal with...

Tech Babe: I understand your point, but there can only be one. Just ask Highlander...

January 19, 2010 | Registered CommenterJason X

awww... lucia left black panties at ur door... thats so sweeeet;)

January 20, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdaytona monroe

Okay, im now totally hooked on this blog. love this story. Two jasons hey? Is that like twins?

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBreukelen girl

daytona monroe: Yes, she's sweet like that. In a dirty way.

Breukelen girl: Kind of like twins. Turns out I'm the evil one.

January 27, 2010 | Registered CommenterJason X

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