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Therapy for the Dead

Human Resources has been sending me back for tree therapy to deal with the fact that I was recently deceased. While I was not actually dead, HR believes I should deal with it as if I had actually been dead because everyone else believed I was dead. HR feels that the psychological impact of me knowing that everyone believed I was dead for a week could have devastating effects.

Tree therapy this time around has not been nearly as fun as the last time when HR decided I was insane. Mainly because Una is no longer in the same office, so I have very little to look at or do in the tree while my therapist works with me. So the only thing I can do is entertain myself by fucking with Fred the therapist.

"What seems to be the trouble this time?" Fred asked as we began our first session.

"I'm having trouble dealing with the fact that I'm alive."

"Why? What bothers you about being alive?"

"Nothing. It's the fact that I was dead a couple of weeks ago that bothers me."

"Dead? You were... Dead?"

"It's hard being alive after you've been dead. Luckily, I'm not insane anymore."

Fred has been somewhat entertaining, but I sure do miss peeping through Una's window while she puts on a show for me.

And back at the office, I'm still dealing with Jason Y, who is not only doing my job, which is actually doing nothing, but he seems to be working my Users, which actually requires doing quite a lot. 

He realized that doing my job well requires doing nothing, otherwise people get very uncomfortable. Because the more he does in my job the more other people need to do in their job. The more people need to do in their job, the more apparent it becomes that they are incapable of doing their job, and nobody is comfortable with that. 

So the less he does in my job, the more people respect him. The more people respect him, the more successful he'll be. 

But the less he has to do, the more he tries to find things to do that will not appear as though he's doing anything. 

And that's when you really start noticing tits and ass around the office.

So far, he seems squeaky clean. But we all know what that means. There's a seedy underbelly behind that Louis Vuitton belt somewhere. I just need to find it and exploit it. And if not, well... I'll just make one up. Hell, I faked my own death, I'm sure I can turn him into a charter member of NAMBLA if I have to.

Reader Comments (3)

It's so wrong that I like this blog so much. You live a very twisted life and I thought my life was interesting..ha! I hang for the next installment.

February 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBreukelen girl

I aim to entertain. I don't think that's HR's aim, but they continually excel in the entertainment arena. Kudos to HR for being ridiculous!

February 17, 2010 | Registered CommenterJason X

you had me at "faked my own death"....

March 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPamela

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