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« Intercourse is Gay | Main | How to Violate the Office Temp »
Thursday
Apr222010

Earth Day: Time to Recycle

In honor of Earth Day, I've decided the best way to support the cause is to recycle. In my case, I'm recycling women. 

There are only so many women at my company that I can go through. There are limited resources in the pool of Users. So rather than being wasteful and in the spirit of corporate efficiency, I'm recycling through some of the women I used to consume. 

Brandi and Melanie have gotten over their fear that I would commit suicide in their presence; Athena the Lesbian has abandoned her attempt to become an actual lesbian; Maricruz no longer believes she's insane; Lucia has been waiting for sodomy since my Res-erection; Kelsey's Angry Fiancé no longer wants to kill Kornfeld for fucking his future wife, which means he no longer wants to kill me because I'm the one who actually fucked her. 

Blair, like Iron Man's Arc Reactor Heart Core, never runs out of steam. So there's really no recycle program for her since she's too intense to discard in the first place. 

So as you can see, I have plenty of opportunity to recycle in support of Earth Day. These women should not go to waste; they should be used again.  

Here are the benefits of recycling women:

  • Costs less - I don't need to even buy them a drink to get laid. 
  • Saves time - No need to hunt and seduce. Time-to-sack is very short
  • Saves energy - same as above.
  • Reduces greenhouse gas emissions by .0002% by using one car to go from the office to a bar if we do actually drink; new Users usually meet me for drinks.
  • Saves approximately 5 trees because the same tree can be used for tree sex (tree location varies based on where Users live, etc.)
  • Batteries are saved because some of these women are married and turn to their vibrator when I'm not around.

So as you can see, there are a lot of benefits from recycling women. I hope I've converted at least a few of you to this cause. Support Earth Day and fuck a woman from your past. There are lots of women, but we only have one Earth.

I think I'll start with Lucia and sodomy. After all, it's Tequila Thursday.   

Reader Comments (5)

I have those same panties on.

April 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTechBabe

Tech Babe: Now that's some Earth Day dedication.

April 22, 2010 | Registered CommenterJason X

Wait. Someone on Facebook reported this as "inappropriate?"

Fucking prudes.

April 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRob Gokee

Rob: As "Abusive". I guess to women. But I only recycle those who want to be recycled. In other words, those who care about the environment. Not only are these complainers prudes; they're anti-Earth.

April 22, 2010 | Registered CommenterJason X

You, sir, a true humanitarian.

May 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJ.R. LeMar

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