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« Penis Packaging | Main | The Cleavage Jar »
Tuesday
May252010

Cleavage Discrimination

Now that women are competing to donate the most to the Cleavage Jar because I told them what it's for, everyone wants to donate, but not everyone knows what the donation is for, including Fernandez.

Fernandez hates to be left out of anything, especially anything that gives Mulhausen more attention than him. And even worse, he hates when Mulhausen knows something he doesn't. 

"How come I never have to donate to this jar?" Fernandez asked.

"Because you haven't violated the terms," Mulhausen said.

"What are the terms?" 

"I can't tell you." 

"Why not?"

"It would be inappropriate," Mulhausen said. "But I can tell you this: you will never violate the terms and will never have to donate."

This infuriated Fernandez.

"That's discrimination," Fernandez said. 

Fernandez immediately went to HR to claim discrimination because Mulhausen would not let him donate to the Cleavage Jar. 

Triplet, the VP of HR was appalled. She marched right into Mulhausen's office and told him he could not discriminate with any jar, including this new jar. 

The only reason Mulhausen wouldn't tell anyone what the cleavage jar was for was because he didn't want HR to get involved. However, he was not too concerned now since HR was getting involved because they didn't know what the jar was for rather than they did know what the jar was for.

Mulhausen looked her over for a moment. 

"You owe me a dollar," Mulhausen said. 

Triplet was surprised, but also relieved that she was not being discriminated against. She donated her dollar. 

"Why can't Fernandez donate to the jar?" she asked.

"Because he will never violate the terms of the jar," he said. "However, he can donate to the Swear Jar all he wants."

"But he doesn't want to donate to the Swear Jar," she said. "He wants to donate to this jar."

"He doesn't even know what that jar is for," Mulhausen said. "So how does he know he wants to?"

"It doesn't matter, " she said. "If you don't let him do something he doesn't know why he wants to do--that's discrimination."

This could have gone on all day. So that's when I decided to step in.

"What kind of discrimination?" I asked.

Triplet looked at me, stumped. 

"Race, age, mental disability?" I said. "What kind of discrimination? Because I'm pretty sure if you claim discrimination, you need to specify how you're being discriminated against." 

Triplet did not like the fact that I was right. And Fernandez was not able to answer the question. So he spent the better part of the afternoon in his office trying to figure it out. But since he didn't know what the Cleavage Jar was for, he wasn't able to come up with the specific discrimination. 

Women continue to donate to the Cleavage Jar and Fernandez continues to be frustrated because he cannot donate. The rest of the company continues to enjoy lots of cleavage.

Long live Cleavage Jar.  

Reader Comments (3)

Great post. Made me laugh. There's so much shit on the internet, I love it when I find good content.

May 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLTS

LTS: Thanks! I aim to please. Just ask Blair. Well, when she's in a good mood.

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December 12, 2011 | Unregistered Commenternivmha nivmha

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