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us·er pool [yü-zer pül] 

In the world of technology, a User is someone who uses a computer. More specifically, it's someone who asks stupid questions about the use of that computer.

In the context of this blog, a Pool refers to an available supply, the use of which is shared by a group.

At one of the largest entertainment companies in Los Angeles, my job is to provide technical direction and support to these users, many of whom are female. That's where things get a little messy...

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Entries in Brad Pitt (1)

Thursday
Jun032010

Penis Packaging

Well, someone put a penis on the packaging for one of our products.

All of our lovable cartoon characters are standing around an organ pipe and one of the pipes is actually a male organ. Yep: a penis pipe. 

The product is packaged, shipped, in the stores and being purchased for kids all over the world.

Everyone is wondering how something like this could have happened, especially with our rigid QA standards and practices.

The Art Department is blaming the QA department for letting a penis through, while the QA department is blaming the Art Department for drawing a penis to begin with. 

The artists are being interrogated. They have already ruled out the Indian artist, given the penis on the packaging is circumcised. They'd like to just narrow it down to the gay artists, since everyone knows gay men are obsessed with the penis, but HR will not let them because that would be sexual orientation profiling. 

Excluding the Indian, there were four other artists working on this property/brand. Two gay, two straight. 

After exhaustive interviews, HR has determined: 

  • The artists are split on the "NOH8" campaign; two artists want H8, two artists don't. Split by sexual orientation, as you might imagine
  • The artists are split on Judy Garland; two believe she was the greatest performer of all time, two don't know who the fuck she is. Not split by sexual orientation, as you might imagine
  • All the artists agree that the Jersey Shore is gay
  • All the artists agree that Brad Pitt is hot and Angelina Jolie is a bitch
  • All the artists agree the Company's benefits package is small and insignificant

Since they could not determine which artist was responsible for the penis on the packaging, they fired the entire QA department. 

Things will be much better now that we have absolutely no quality assurance at this company.