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us·er pool [yü-zer pül] 

In the world of technology, a User is someone who uses a computer. More specifically, it's someone who asks stupid questions about the use of that computer.

In the context of this blog, a Pool refers to an available supply, the use of which is shared by a group.

At one of the largest entertainment companies in Los Angeles, my job is to provide technical direction and support to these users, many of whom are female. That's where things get a little messy...

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Entries in desk sex (2)


Fernandez' Monthly Presentation

Kessler hates Fernandez more than anyone, including me.

This is because Kessler knows more about Fernandez than anyone. Kessler is the Exchange Manager, so he has access to everyone's email. Listen and take heed:

Your password is encrypted, so even the Exchange technical team can't get into your mailbox without changing your password first. If your password suddenly no longer works, you know someone has gotten into your email. 

But the Exchange technical team can still get into your email without you knowing. They take a backup of everyone's mail box every night. It creates a separate instance of your entire email account on a separate backup server. So anytime they feel like it, the Exchange guys can go onto the backup server and change your password there, then get into your email. Your password in production never changes.

This is one of Kessler's favorite hobbies. He has so much shit on everyone in the company, including me, he could blackmail his way to riches in no time.

Fernandez should have known this. But after all, he is an idiot.

One of the things Kessler found in Fernandez' email box was a message from Fernandez to Fessler complaining about Kessler.

Kessler had saved Fernandez' ass on several occasions, so to find out that Fernandez was blaming shit on him behind his back--that wasn't even his fault--made Kessler more than a little bitter.

Kessler also found email messages from Fernandez to the stupid, naive, father-figure-fucking little whores he was somehow hooking up with. This is how we first found out Fernandez, that tiny stick of a man, was actually a player

One of Kessler's other hobbies is to fuck with Fernandez. He has honed this skill very well, unlike yours truly (remember my mental instability?). 

On Thursday night after work, Kessler decided to fuck Tami the Help Desk Analyst on Fernandez' desk. Another thing to remember: always sanitize your desktop in the morning when you come in; you never know who's been fucking where after hours at the office. 

To Kessler's great surprise and delight, Tami the Help Desk Analyst started her period. So things got a little messy. Not just bloody messy, but blood-clotty messy. This was a real thick and chunky salsa like visit from Aunt Flo.  He apparently broke the dam with the angry sex he was enjoying atop Fernandez' desk. 

Kessler did not make any effort to clean up any of the mess they left on the desk. He noticed a clean copy of one of Fernandez' presentations in his inbox. Kessler decided to clean his cock with it.

The next morning was hilarious except for one thing. Fernandez believes the only person capable of doing something this disgusting is me. Kessler knows this, which is why he had no fear of getting caught.

I already have an appointment to meet with HR on Monday.

Even so, it's still fucking hilarious.  


The Green Mile

I'm scheduled to go in for my vasectomy at 3:00. Regardless, I took the whole day off. You have to mentally prepare for a thing like this.

Worked out well also, since I was drinking last night and having sex with Blair in the office until late.

That's right. Sex with Blair in the office. Previously, Blair had been adamantly against sex in the office. I believe fear of losing her job had something to do with it. However, last night after drinks, I told her I had to go back up to the office to send a couple email messages that had to go out before morning.

Once we were in my office and she realized the floor was deserted, she started getting ideas. It helps that alcohol impairs good judgement, however, in a situation like this, it's best to let Blair come up with the idea. If she's against doing something, the only way to get her to do it is to let her come up with the idea herself.

And even though I have a couch in my office, she wanted it on the desk.

Good girl.

We did eventually make it to the couch, but that was after I had her plastered up against the window, tits pressed up against the cold glass, looking down at the city. That really turned her on.

We left around midnight. It was a very good last supper...

An now here I sit awaiting my moment to walk the Green Mile.

Alright, so I've been a little overdramatic about this whole cutting into my balls things. But hell, it's my goddamn balls.

I'll let you know how it all turns out...