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us·er pool [yü-zer pül] 

In the world of technology, a User is someone who uses a computer. More specifically, it's someone who asks stupid questions about the use of that computer.

In the context of this blog, a Pool refers to an available supply, the use of which is shared by a group.

At one of the largest entertainment companies in Los Angeles, my job is to provide technical direction and support to these users, many of whom are female. That's where things get a little messy...

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Entries in jealous (2)

Monday
May102010

Blair is Suspicious

Blair is suspicious because she thinks I'm not fucking other women in the company. Whenever she thinks I'm not fucking other women in the company is when she's most suspicious that I am fucking other women in the company.  Because she knows that if I were fucking other women in the company, she'd be the last to find out. 

So she came down to I.T. today for a little snap inspection. She did not know we hired a new temp. She took one look at Aimee the Temp and now believes that I'm fucking at least one other woman in the company.

If a hot temp starts working in I.T., Blair expects me to inform her immediately. If I do not inform her immediately, she believes it's because I'm trying to fuck the new temp. However, if I do inform her immediately that a hot temp has started working in I.T., she immediately knows that I think the new temp is hot, and therefore, I will try to fuck her anyway. 

There is no way to win at this game.

But the worst thing about Aimee the Temp is the fact that her tits are huge. 

Blair knows that she is the most beautiful woman in this company and always will be. And I agree that it would be very difficult to top Blair. But Blair knows that beauty is not always the deciding factor, even though it should be.

Blair knows that bigger tits will cloud men's judgment on the matter. And even though she is the most beautiful woman in the company, there are those who will get more attention than her because they have bigger tits. Like Aimee the Temp.

Blair stormed into my office like a pissed off badger. I asked Jason Y to give us a minute. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Or the natural disposition of a Finance manager. So Jason Y was more than happy to leave the room.

I've been dealing with Blair long enough to know exactly how to handle with this minor crisis.

I immediately disclosed the fact that Jason Y was going out with Aimee the Temp.

This is called, The Deflection.

Jason Y is a nice guy, which is why Blair has no interest in him. But if he starts dating a girl with bigger tits than her, she suddenly has interest.

"Why the fuck would he go out with her?" she snarled.

I couldn't think of one reason. But I could think of two.

"She looks like a little whore," Blair said. 

She acts like a little whore too. Monkey sex like you wouldn't believe.

"Well, I just lost respect for Jason Y," she said.

The truth is, she just gained respect for Jason Y. Nice guys don't fuck around with girls with big tits. Because the girls with big tits are too busy fucking around with guys like me. But if he is fucking around with her, that makes him seem more like a guy like me. And Blair likes guys like me. 

Well, the deflection worked. Except for the fact that Blair will now try to fuck around with Jason Y. 

My genius is my detriment. 

Thursday
Oct302008

Fernandez and His Lazy Eye

Fernandez has a lazy eye. You never know who he's talking to, even if it's just you and him in the room.

In a conference room full of people, it's anyone's guess. When he asks a question, everyone just looks at each other as if someone has a clue and will solve the mystery for everyone else. But alas, nobody volunteers the answer and we just have to venture a guess. Typically you'll get a couple people who end up answering at the same time.

I tend to just ignore all his questions and assume he's talking to someone else. Even when I'm alone with him. He doesn't much like this, especially when I say, "Oh, sorry. I thought you were talking to someone else."

I decided to fuck with Fernandez today by having Smithee leak a rumor that Fessler is planning to promote Mulhausen to Sr. VP. This gave me the idea to have Smithee leak a rumor to Mulhausen that Fessler is planning to promote Fernandez to Sr. VP as well.

Both Fernandez and Mulhausen closed their office doors for the better part of the day. Each, I'm sure, were trying to validate the rumor.

According to Fessler's assistant, both tried calling Fessler to have him confirm or deny the rumor. However, Fessler would not take either of their calls. The reason Fessler wouldn't take their calls is because he never takes their calls. This is because he hates both of them and refuses to speak to either of them, even though they are both direct reports. 

One at a time, both called me into their offices to ask me what I'd heard.

When Fernandez asked me what I'd heard, I ignored the question. He repeated the question and I said, "Oh, sorry. I thought you were talking to someone else."

This angered him and his lazy eye became even more lazy and I asked, "Are you still talking to me?"

At that point he kicked me out of his office.

When Mulhausen asked me what I'd heard, I said, "I heard someone was getting promoted and someone was getting fired." 

This took things up a notch. It also fueled the rumor mill fire and it went from Mulhausen full circle to Fernandez. 

Both men left the office early and I enjoyed the rest of my day knowing neither man would sleep a wink tonight. 

Does that make me evil?