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us·er pool [yü-zer pül] 

In the world of technology, a User is someone who uses a computer. More specifically, it's someone who asks stupid questions about the use of that computer.

In the context of this blog, a Pool refers to an available supply, the use of which is shared by a group.

At one of the largest entertainment companies in Los Angeles, my job is to provide technical direction and support to these users, many of whom are female. That's where things get a little messy...

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Entries in jealousy (2)

Monday
May102010

Blair is Suspicious

Blair is suspicious because she thinks I'm not fucking other women in the company. Whenever she thinks I'm not fucking other women in the company is when she's most suspicious that I am fucking other women in the company.  Because she knows that if I were fucking other women in the company, she'd be the last to find out. 

So she came down to I.T. today for a little snap inspection. She did not know we hired a new temp. She took one look at Aimee the Temp and now believes that I'm fucking at least one other woman in the company.

If a hot temp starts working in I.T., Blair expects me to inform her immediately. If I do not inform her immediately, she believes it's because I'm trying to fuck the new temp. However, if I do inform her immediately that a hot temp has started working in I.T., she immediately knows that I think the new temp is hot, and therefore, I will try to fuck her anyway. 

There is no way to win at this game.

But the worst thing about Aimee the Temp is the fact that her tits are huge. 

Blair knows that she is the most beautiful woman in this company and always will be. And I agree that it would be very difficult to top Blair. But Blair knows that beauty is not always the deciding factor, even though it should be.

Blair knows that bigger tits will cloud men's judgment on the matter. And even though she is the most beautiful woman in the company, there are those who will get more attention than her because they have bigger tits. Like Aimee the Temp.

Blair stormed into my office like a pissed off badger. I asked Jason Y to give us a minute. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Or the natural disposition of a Finance manager. So Jason Y was more than happy to leave the room.

I've been dealing with Blair long enough to know exactly how to handle with this minor crisis.

I immediately disclosed the fact that Jason Y was going out with Aimee the Temp.

This is called, The Deflection.

Jason Y is a nice guy, which is why Blair has no interest in him. But if he starts dating a girl with bigger tits than her, she suddenly has interest.

"Why the fuck would he go out with her?" she snarled.

I couldn't think of one reason. But I could think of two.

"She looks like a little whore," Blair said. 

She acts like a little whore too. Monkey sex like you wouldn't believe.

"Well, I just lost respect for Jason Y," she said.

The truth is, she just gained respect for Jason Y. Nice guys don't fuck around with girls with big tits. Because the girls with big tits are too busy fucking around with guys like me. But if he is fucking around with her, that makes him seem more like a guy like me. And Blair likes guys like me. 

Well, the deflection worked. Except for the fact that Blair will now try to fuck around with Jason Y. 

My genius is my detriment. 

Tuesday
Oct142008

Blair Meets Maricruz

Today I was sitting in haunted conference room 3402 with Blair across from me on the left and Maricruz across from me on the right.

That was exhilarating.

I anticipated this meeting happening sooner or later, but I had put it off as long as I could. International Marketing had shown interest in our International Licensing system, but adding their module has a Financial impact.

Maricruz represents International Marketing and Blair represents Finance. And I, unfortunately, represent the application.

When I could delay the meeting no longer, I scheduled it in conference room 3402, which is rumored to be haunted. I, of course, started that rumor so that nobody would book the room so that it would always be available for me to book.

I thought maybe the rumor would scare off either Blair or Maricruz or both. It scared off neither.

While Blair was not aware of the existence of Maricruz, Maricruz most definitely was aware of the existence of Blair. She was first alerted to Blair's existence by Faudeux with his failed cock block attempt. However, when Blair's tits were spying on me for half a day a few weeks back, Maricruz could not help but notice and suspect something was up after all.  

When Blair met Maricruz in the meeting for the first time and found out that Maricruz works on my floor, she squinted her eyes slightly and gave me the fuck you look. From this moment forward, the meeting was completely derailed.

Blair believes that if I do not disclose the fact that there is a hot woman working close to me, I must be hiding something. However, if I disclose that a hot woman is working close to me, I'm already guilty because I'm admitting that I think she's hot. I cannot win.

Blair quickly became the interrogator. No longer was this meeting about developing an international marketing module within the licensing application; it was about breaking Maricruz, getting a full confession of foul play, and handing Blair the evidence that I'm cheating on her--the woman with whom I'm having an adulterous affair.

Blair started out with subtle seemingly friendly just want to get to know you questions about the work environment that had hidden meaning, like: "Do you like working here?"

Maricruz was no idiot. But you could tell by the look on her face that she was having a difficult time interpreting the hidden meaning. Was Blair asking in a catty way, "Do you like working here because you like fucking Jason?"; or was this some sort of threat like, "I could get you fired faster than you can answer that question," or "As much as you like working here, I could make every day a living hell for you." 

Maricruz simply responded, "Sure."

Blair considered the answer as if she were tabulating a score in her head. Then she quickly moved to the more blunt, personal questions laced with accusation.

Blair: "Are you married?"

Maricruz: "Yes. Are you?"

Touche.

Blair: "What do you do for fun? You know, when you're not home with your husband."

Maricruz: "What? Why?"

Blair: "Well, maybe we could hang out sometime. I know some cool places for happy hour."

Ah, the old take-you-under-my-wing-so-I-can-use-you-to-get-the-information-I-need-to-hang-Jason-X trick. 

Again, Maricruz is no idiot. You could see the wheels turning as she considered the offer.

Maricruz: "Sure, that sounds like fun."

Yep, the old let-you-take-me-under-your-wing-so-I-can-use-you-to-get-the-information-I-need-to-hang-Jason-X trick.

Well, we didn't accomplish much in the meeting from a business perspective, but these two left the meeting brand spanking new BFFs. And they became BFFs for all the normal reasons women do so:

"Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer."

Sun-tzu
Chinese general & military strategist (~400 BC)