This week was blasted with the usual work drama of ball collecting and sitting in useless meetings with “Dicks.” I think I’ve proven I can handle that. However, there was a layer of unnecessary drama I was caught up in, thanks to my recently departed work spouse. (No, he’s not dead. He was canned.)
On Monday morning I received four voicemail messages from an unfamiliar female voice with a slight Hindi accent. I noticed there was no call back number and the calls were being transferred to my extension from the company operator. The unfamiliar voice never left a name or a phone number but left the following messages:
Message #1:
“Hi, I’m looking for [work spouse] and wanted to know if we can chat a bit. I’ll try again later.”
(Thought Bubble: Who the fuck are you and how did you get my number?)
Message #2:
“Hi, sorry to bother you but I really need to talk to you. I’ll try again later.”
(Thought Bubble: Good luck bitch.)
Message #3:
“I just need to know how close you were with [work spouse]. This is his fiancé.”
(Thought Bubble: What. The. Fuck. [work spouse] is engaged?!?! He told me his wife was coming from Mumbai to live with him here. So confused.)
Message #4:
“You’re either ignoring my calls or really busy.”
(Thought Bubble: What is this? 9-0-2-Jai-Ho? Bitch please!)
I had a sliver of free time on my calendar at 11:30am and wouldn’t you know? The bitch’s timing was impeccable. I answered this time. Here’s the gist…her name is ‘Sharona’ and apparently affianced with [work spouse] yet has no clue that he hasn’t been working here for over two months now. I immediately cleared the air and freed her wandering mind of the thought of me and her fiancé of ever having sex. She went on and explained the last thing she knew was he was taking a leave of absence to go back to Mumbai. She then proceeded to tell me that her sister saw him with another woman at the same restaurant he proposed to her at while he was supposed to be back in Mumbai. (Ouch!!)
While she was giving me the back story, I couldn’t help but think what an asshole my former [work spouse] was. Even knowing what I already knew, I didn’t say a word. She proceeded to tell me the other woman was really his wife! OMFG! The entire time we were on the phone I worked just as fast as TMZ and called the “in-crew” over to my office so they can hear the drama unfold on speaker phone. Before anyone starts with the whole “that’s fucked up” thing, the “in-crew” is made up of the few cool kids in the office: ‘Taline,’ ‘Armond,’ ‘Karina,’ ‘Rico,’ and ‘Sean.’ We tell each other EVERYTHING! Turns out Taline and Karina received the same calls from this voice but never picked up. Sharona was on a mission to find her fiancé. We ended the conversation and she left me her phone number.
Now that the cat was out of the bag the “in-crew” sat in my office to take all of this in. It broke up the day, that’s for sure! We all went to lunch with a new topic of discussion.
On Tuesday, I received another call being transferred from the company operator. I couldn’t answer. An hour later, same phone call. By this time, I was more than annoyed and thought “sorry he fucked you over. Sell the ring. Move on. Stop fucking calling me.”
Later that same afternoon, my phone rang again. I was so prepared to go off on her and tell her this is harassment and don’t have time for your Bollywood soap opera. I picked up the phone in haste but this time, it was another unfamiliar female voice. It was his wife! HOLY SHIT. She, like Sharona, wanted to know what I knew about Sharona, which is nothing. Hell, I didn’t even know [work spouse] was married!
I had enough of this childish bullshit. To settle this once and for all, and to leave me out of it, I thought, why not get the two on a conference call together? What’s one more conference call on my calendar? At least this would be more interesting. So I did. I sent the bridge info to the “in-crew” so they can listen in.
Like any other conference call I announced myself and introduced the wife and the fiancé. There was an awkward silence for the first thirty seconds and I finally got them talking. Meanwhile, I was texting [work spouse] to tell him what was going on. He was shocked and knew he had to handle it.
Listening to two scorned women argue over a douche was just so draining; going through timelines and comparing date nights and who fucked who when, where, and how. This had just as much drama as Melrose Place!
Anyway, glad to get that out of my system. Message to my former work spouse, if you happen to read this:
You’re a fucking asshole, but I’m still your friend. The End.