Independence Day
Thursday, July 2, 2009 at 08:07PM 
Short weeks can suck big bull ball sacks! While everyone around the office is super-excited about the short week, along with the upcoming department potluck and early dismissal today, I can't seem to pry my headset off my fucking face. My Outlook calendar looks like it's having a meeting orgy! Since everyone knows it's a short week, everyone thinks that gives them the right to pack my calendar with meeting after meeting after meeting with the justification, "We have to resolve this before the end of the week and we're off Friday." To which I respond silently with, "I don't need to do SHIT but stay brown and die!" (Guess what movie...) Fuckers! But this is the fundamental reason why I cringe and shudder when a three-day weekend is approaching. Everyone tries to cram shit in four days! When it's all said and done, I have twice as many meetings scheduled than I would have if we didn't have Friday off!
Eleven o'clock rolls around and the entire department is headed out to the back patio area for our Department Potluck. My team was hosting it this time around and the theme, of course, was July 4th. I had my intern collect $25.00 from everyone from the team to pitch in for a fully catered barbecue meal for 100 people. My team was then criticized for not upholding potluck tradition, which required everyone to actually make something and bring it in. (Thought bubble: I'm sorry, please show me where the traditional potluck rules are stated.) I got criticized even moreso for not setting a good example to my team since all I committed to bringing were napkins and cups. All the criticism was put to rest within seconds of everyone filling their faces with barbecued ribs, sausage, chicken, and porked beans. I finally made it out there a little past noon and got my share. Then our department VP announces early dismissal at one o'clock. Me? Not a chance. I had four more meetings that overlapped with one another and finally made it out at 3:30pm. I only made it out so I can get a quick work-out in before my early evening spa mani and pedi. (So needed!) But all I could think of was all the shit I left behind and all the shit I'm going to walk into Monday morning.
So, while everyone is out commemorating Independance Day and celebrating and eating all things American, I'll be sitting pool side with a fruity libation reviewing a hundred page design spec longing for an All-American 100% beef weiner! And to that I say Happy Independence Day America!
PROUD TO BE CORPORATE AMERICAN! Now let's get laid!
Reader Comments (6)
Stay black and die! -- Lean On Me :-)
You're wholesome at heart. My mani-pedia says bravo to at-the-ready fingers and toes, sarge. Hard on, America!
I was going to suggest you enjoy your wiener poolside as well, but then I remembered that Public Indecency thing...
Ah what the hell, It IS Independence Day!
i've been there before. i now see holidays as everydays. good luck with that!! (sorry i'm not as articulate as everybody else.) just wanted to show support.
BBQs at work are great. It's the perfect time for me to peddle my own all American 100% beef wiener.
Pot Luck Fuckery is the worst. Here you are working probably 12+ hour days and they expect you to cook for these stupid things? No sorry, I was too busy cleaning up your stupid mess to make potato salad.